


Patient 0214: Jacob Seed

by Jacrispea



Category: Far Cry 5
Genre: Aftermath of Violence, Blow Jobs, Cunnilingus, Explicit Language, Explicit Sexual Content, F/M, Oral Sex, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Semi-Public Sex, Vaginal Sex, Violence
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-08-07
Updated: 2019-08-20
Packaged: 2020-08-11 15:55:24
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 9,294
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20156185
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jacrispea/pseuds/Jacrispea
Summary: In Rome, Georgia there is a state of the art military hospital where you work to help war veterans struggling with PTSD. Things have grown monotonous in your job, no longer giving you a sense of purpose... Until you meet your newest patient, Jacob Seed. He comes to you as a broken man and you know he's the purpose you've been searching for.* AU before the events of Far Cry 5.** Please note that though I did some research on PTSD symptoms and treatment, I'm not an expert and I apologize if I misrepresented anything in this story.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> At this point, I'm basically obsessed with writing about Jacob so if you need more, I have two other fics about him too (shameless plug). Thanks for reading!

Going to work everyday had grown to be a chore for you: the patients were the same, the problems were the same and those stark white walls that lined the halls and rooms of the hospital were always the same. All of your patients were war veterans, most suffering from PTSD in some form or another and in varying degrees. When you first moved to Rome, Georgia for this job, you were full of empathy and had spent many sleepless nights, thinking of the people you were hired to help but now, you almost felt desensitized. 

Medication and therapy worked for them sometimes, some of them were given service animals but then there were those that were beyond repair. Those were the people you dreamt of at night; the broken ones. 

It had been two months since the hospital had admitted a new patient but today, you would be receiving one named Jacob. You wondered what he would be like, same as you did with every new arrival, trying to piece them together before you had even met. You knew he had served in the Gulf War and was discharged because of his mental stability but in his military career, he was a decorated hero. He had been hurt in the line of duty on several occasions but had completed a successful rescue mission and had progressed the troops' position in Iraq. You suspected he would be in his late thirties or early fourties maybe, having seen so many accomplishments. You chose to think of him as deeply loyal and protective, perhaps to a fault. You weren't sure if he would be full of anger or fear but decided not to make a judgement until you had met face to face. 

As you neared his room, you brushed the wrinkles from your blouse and ran a hand through your hair, wanting to make a good first impression. Taking a deep breath, you braced yourself and walked into his room. 

When you entered, he looked up to you but kept his arms crossed over his chest. You took in his expression, it was one mixed with anger and sadness but also confidence. You knew that wasn't always a good mix, knowing confidence could lead to cockiness and lack of cooperation. 

You greeted him when you entered the room, introducing yourself but not shaking his hand in fear of making him feel uncomfortable. He nodded back in greeting but didn't say anything. You pulled up a seat and sat with your clipboard on your lap, surpressing the urge to tap on it nervously with your pen. 

"I'm not sure what you've been told about our hospital or what you may expect of me, but I don't like formality and I don't believe in the whole question and answer routine. So please, just talk to me about whatever you want and if you don't feel like it's that's okay too," you explained. 

"I have nothing to talk about," he said.

"Okay. I'm expected to come back everyday for our sessions though so I'll be around tomorrow as well. Can I bring you anything?" 

"I'm fine," he said as he watched you. 

You nodded and pushed your chair back, leaving his room behind you. You knew he wasn't going to be easy to break down but for the first time in a long time, you felt invigorated. You had a purpose and his name was Jacob Seed. 

\---

For the next three days, it was more of the same: you would greet him, sit for a minute and then leave. He was never outright rude to you but was never cooperative and always guarded. Everyday, the shadows under his eyes grew darker and his composure seemed to unravel, his jaw always clenched so tightly you feared he was uncomfortable. 

On the fourth day, he greeted you with a question, "Why are you doing this?" 

"This job?" you asked for clarification. You weren't sure if you understood the question. 

"Why do you continue to come here." 

"Oh, well because I have to firstly but also because I genuinely want to help you," you told him truthfully. 

"And what is it you think you're helping me with?" he asked. His steel blue eyes had been on yours the entire time, piercing through you in such an invasive way. 

"That's what I'm waiting for you to tell me. I'm not here to make assumptions." 

You watched as he leaned back and stretched his legs out in front of him. He gazed at a corner of the ceiling for a long time before he turned his attention back to you. 

"I don't sleep," he said finally. 

"Can we start there?" you asked. When he nodded, you continued, happy for the tiny bit of progress. "Do you have a hard time going to sleep or staying asleep?" 

"Both. And there's... I dream a lot." 

"Okay. When you try getting to sleep, there a technique I use called the 5 to 1. This sounds like some typical bullshit, I know but it actually does work, or at least for me. I can never settle my mind," you said, stopping when you noticed his mouth raise at the corner ever so slightly. 

"Are you allowed to curse?" he asked you. 

"Probably not. Anyhow... so basically what you do is point out five things in your room that you can see, feel and hear; five of each. Keep your eyes closed of course but picture your surroundings. Then you work your way down to four things and then three... If you get off track half way, start where you left off. Can we start there maybe for a bit and see if it works? Sometimes it takes a few days." 

He nodded, much to your relief. You asked if he wanted to talk about anything but he declined again so you took your leave again.

\--- 

"Did you sleep better last night?" you asked. 

"No," Jacob told you. "But I got to sleep faster with your suggestion."

"I'm glad. If that doesn't work, you could try counting backwards from one hundred in increments of three and a half. It just kind of busies your mind and steers it away from everything else," you explained. 

"Makes sense." 

"Do you want to talk about your dreams?" you asked, fully expecting him to decline again. 

"No," he said predictably. "I know you're trying here but I just can't yet." 

"I understand. Whenever you're ready Jacob. You know, if what I suggested doesn't work, I can grab you a mild sleeping pill too if you want."

Jacob laid back on the bed, folding his arms behind his head. His t-shirt crept up a bit over his stomach, drawing your eyes. You pulled yourself back as soon as you realized it, worried he might notice but his eyes were on the ceiling. You took another second to look over his body, taking in the angles of his muscles through his shirt. 

"I better go. I'll see you tomorrow," you told him as you decided you needed out of his room. 

"Thanks," you heard him say quietly as you left. You made it a point to memorize his voice.


	2. Chapter 2

"I brought you something to help you sleep," you told Jacob when you went to see him the next day. You set a plastic cup with two sleeping pills on the table next to his bed. "Don't feel like you have to take them." 

"Thanks," he said quietly, watching you as you sat in your usual chair. 

"I sound like a broken record and I'm probably annoying the shit out of you but is there anything you want to talk about?" you asked him, preparing for another short meeting. 

"Am I allowed to ask you questions?" he asked, still studying your face from his usual spot on his bed. 

"I don't see why not. What is it?" you asked, setting your clipboard on the rolling table next to you. 

Jacob moved an inch further to the edge of the bed, his long legs still stretched out in front of him casually. His eyes never leaving yours. "What do you know about me? I know you must have received information before you met me, I'm curious." 

Normally in these situations, you were supposed to deny knowing anything; it was always best to have the patient feel like they were offering the only information you had, that they were painting the picture of their own circumstances. In Jacob's case, you knew he was too smart for that and you didn't want to insult his intelligence. You decided that honesty was best and hoped it would pay off for you in the long run. 

"I know your background - that you were a Green Beret and that you've received awards. I know that you were discharged because of their concern for your health but truthfully, and I swear, that's all I know." 

He nodded and looked out the window. He seemed satisfied with your answer. He continued without looking back to you, "Are you happy working here?" 

"I am for the most part but it comes with its share of... difficulties, but I like the idea of helping people." 

He turned back to you when you were done your answer, watching you with those stunning blue eyes again. You felt a flutter deep down inside of you and forced yourself to pull your attention away from him, adjusting your sitting position so that your leg was folded under you. 

"What difficulties?" Jacob asked when you settled back to your seat. 

"Just, I take a lot home with me. It affects my sleep... I still think about people I knew from years ago, even though they're out enjoying their lives now. It still haunts me to know the evils that people have seen, have lived..." you weren't sure why it was pouring out of you like this and knew without a doubt that it was unprofessional but there was always something calming about Jacob's personality and it helped to loosen you up. 

"You take these then?" he asked as he nodded at his cup of pills. 

"No, and I know you won't either." 

Jacob smiled at that; it wasn't a full smile and didn't come close to touching his eyes but it was a beautiful sight regardless. You felt like maybe there was hope for him yet. 

\---

"He's having night terrors. One of the orderlies went in to wake him last night and he grabbed him, threw him clear across the room before he went after him again. It took two guards to pull him back," Jana told you as you went over the notes from your patients from the previous night. She was one of the doctors on staff overnight. Every morning you met with her briefly to get the run down on any changes or anything to be aware of. She continued, "We may have to sedate him." 

"No. No... that will only make things worse. He's starting to open up, slowly yes, but it's coming. I can't just dope him up and expect him to get better on his own," you argued. 

"I'm not saying forever but you and I both know the longer he goes without sleep, the harder it will be to find any progress. Exhaustion feeds depression, it feeds anxiety and the memories he has. He needs to rest," she pointed out. 

You knew she was right but you still refused to jump to that extreme a solution yet. If Jacob wouldn't take a sleeping pill, he definitely wouldn't trust you if you had him knocked out. You paced slightly, tapping your pen against your pursed lips. 

"Just give me a week, and if there isn't any progress, we'll go ahead with your suggestion. Please, Jana." 

She sighed but nodded wearily. "Fine, but only because I'm too tired to argue. I'll see you tomorrow morning." 

You watched as she left your office before you raked your hands through your hair. This was proving more difficult than you had initially thought but you had seen worse. You wouldn't give up on your broken soldier just yet. 

After making your rounds in the morning and stopping for lunch, you went back to Jacob's room as you normally did. He sat expectedly on his bed, watching his door for you. 

"Hi," you said quietly as you snuck in and closed the door. "Sorry I'm a bit late." 

"Let me guess, you were getting the run down on me from your buddies?" he asked defensively. 

You set your clipboard aside again, never having to use it with Jacob and unsure why you continued to bring it along. Leaning back in your chair, you crossed your legs and blew out some air. 

"No, that was this morning actually," you told him. "I was just busy stuffing my face before I came here." 

"What did they say?" he asked, ignoring your comments. 

"That you attacked an orderly. That's about it." 

You watched Jacob as he listened to you, keeping his eyes on you as always but fidgeting with his fingers along the front of his jeans. He seemed almost timid but mostly defensive, like he was ready for a fight. 

"And...?" he asked, pressing you to continue and presumably annoyed that he had to ask you to. 

"They want to sedate you to help you sleep and I told them to fuck off," you told him, watching his expression soften. His hands stopped and laid flat on his knees. "So... same old question... Anything you want to discuss?" 

"No," he said calmly. "I'd like a couple days away from our sessions if that's alright." 

You were surprised by that and also disappointed. You thought you had been making some progress with him but this was a giant step back. You knew it was his right to refuse to see you, he was paying to stay here afterall but had hoped it wouldn't come to this. 

"I can send someone else in if you'd rather?" 

"No," he said, almost abruptly before he caught himself. "I don't want anyone but you, I just need some time alone." 

"Understood," you said as you pushed up and grabbed your clipboard. "Just send word when you're ready for me okay? Anything I can get you before I leave?" 

Jacob sat for a second, thinking it over. He looked at you with an unrecognizable expression, almost one of pity and then turned to his nightstand, staring at the empty top. 

"Have them bring me those pills again," he said without looking back at you. 

You agreed and closed his door behind you as you headed to your next patient's room.


	3. Chapter 3

That night, you laid in bed, going over your notes in your usual fashion, looking for anything you may have missed during the day. Two of your patients were being released this week, much to your delight and you would have some extra help during your days going forward. That was something you looked forward to. 

As you flipped to your next file, you glanced down at the name on the cardboard, feeling your pace quicken. Jacob had gotten in your head since day one. You knew there were so many layers to him but only knew the one he held on top because he held on to it so tightly.

"Jacob Seed," you whispered into the file, looking at your lack of notes. "Open up to me... give me something..." 

Frustration flared up inside of you and you threw the files across the room, watching the papers flutter around the room. 

"Fuck," you mumbled against your pillow before you said the word again, this time at the top of your lungs. 

Laying back in a haze, you stared at the ceiling for what felt like hours until you finally felt your eyes grow heavy and fell asleep with the light still on. As you slept, you dreamt about your patients again, some old but mostly new. In every scenario, you were trying to help them in some life or death situation but failed everytime, watching them slip through your fingers. 

After waking up from what felt like the longest nightmare of your life, you reached over and flicked the lamp off beside your bed, resting back against the pillows and forcing yourself to breath deeply. When your eyes eventually closed, your next dream turned to your newest patient...

\---

_ "You seem stressed," Jacob said as you hurried into his room. He sat on the bed like he always did. _

__

__

__

"I don't have time. Do you want to talk about anything Jacob or can I leave again?" you asked him, frustrated at the lack of progress you had made with him. 

"Are you upset that I haven't told you anything?" he asked, watching you closely. 

You sighed and threw your head back against the wall with a thud. "Of course I am. Everyone here wants me to give up on you and honestly, I'm ready to. Just tell me what you need... please. At this point, I'll do anything." 

Jacob sat up straighter at your words, giving you a half smile, "I need a release." 

You looked at him, with a puzzled expression. You weren't sure what he meant but something about the way he looked at you sent a tingle through your body before it settled between your legs. You squeezed your thighs together, trying to push away the desire your body was pumping through you. 

"Come here," he said as he leaned back slightly on the bed. 

You did as he asked, knowing then what he needed. It was all he ever needed and deep down, you knew it was the cure you had been looking for too. When you approached him, Jacob spread his legs wide, letting you walk between them. His hands rested on the backs of your thighs, rubbing over the skin below your skirt. 

"I want you on every surface of this room and in every position. I want you to beg for it and at the same time, I want you to give me more than I can ever handle. That's what I need," he said as he buried his face between your breasts, kissing them through the fabric of your shirt. "Strip for me." 

You pushed back from him gently, placing his hands in his lap as you unbuttoned your silk blouse slowly and let it fall to the floor. His hands reached for you again but you took a step back, out of his reach. 

"Patience, soldier," you said in a raspy voice. You hadn't even touched him but you were already ready to blow. 

You turned around, away from him to unzip your skirt, shimmying out of the tight fabric. When you went to reach for your panties, you turned your face to look behind you as Jacob started to undress. 

"Patience isn't a trait of mine," he said when he noticed you looking at him. 

You didn't care though. The sooner he was naked, the better. After your panties were off, you unfastened your bra and let it drop before you turned around again, now completely bare. 

"Fuck," he said as he held his hand out, grabbing yours and pulling you closer. 

He moved back on the bed to lay down and pulled you on top, letting you set the pace. When you felt the head of his cock touch your entrance, you gasped at the feeling. As you slid down, he stretched you out to the point where it was almost uncomfortable but you continued, knowing he needed this. You did too. 

"Jacob, whatever you need from me... you only need to ask. I'm yours to do whatever you want with," you panted as you quickened your pace on top of him, leaning forward and letting his cock rub against your walls in the best way. 

He reached up and rolled you over after hearing you say that, pinning you below him with his weight. 

"Here is thought you were a good girl," he said into your ear as he grabbed at your wrists and pushed them above your head. "You're just starving for cock, aren't you?" 

You nodded, unable to say the words as you felt him thrust into you sharply, tightening his grasp on your wrists at the same time. 

"Every inch," you said finally. "I want it everywhere. I want you to fill every bit of me." 

Jacob grunted above you as he leaned down and bit just below your jawline. You whimpered at the pain but he shushed you, telling you to be good or he'd hurt you again. You so desperately wanted him to. 

"As hard as you can," you moaned, begging him for it. 

Before the words completely slipped from your mouth, he snapped his hips into your roughly, causing you to grasp in surprise. Once you finally composed yourself, you moved your hips up to meet his, stroke for stroke. As you got accustomed to the pain of his hard thrusts, you felt yourself start to near your orgasm, grasping his broad shoulders and pulling him closer. 

"My good girl, cum for me," he breathed against your cheek. 

Your body tensed and you were so close when you were startled by a fire alarm in the building. You looked up at Jacob who encouraged you to continue but you pushed against him, trying to escape from under him. You needed to stop the alarm. 

\---

Your eyes opened then, as you looked around for the source of the noise, thoroughly confused. After squinting around the room, you realized it was morning and your alarm was going off. You smashed the top of it with your fist and threw yourself back into your pillows, sighing heavily.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> New chapter for you Courtney 😁♥️

Three days passed since your last visitation with Jacob. He hadn't asked to see you again and you didn't push it on him. During your morning chats with Jana, you found out he had been requesting a sleeping pill nightly and had been sleeping much better. There was another incident with his nightmares but he seemed to pull himself out of it on his own, rather than have the guards intervene. 

When you asked about his daily habits, you found out he stayed in his room rather than walking around or enjoying the recreational lobby downstairs. His meals were brought to him but he never ate much and never spoke when anyone entered his room. You prayed to whomever may be listening, be it a God or the universe, to help ease his mind. You wanted desperately to help but you respected his request for some personal space. 

It was after lunch and you were on your way to see one of the patients who had been assigned to you; she was also a veteran of the Gulf War and had survived an IED explosion, though the rest of her battalion had not been so fortunate. As a result, she suffered from PTSD as well and shared the same night terrors as many of your patients. As you passed the open doors to the patient rooms, lost in your thoughts, you heard a familiar voice. 

"Doc?" he called to you after you had passed his room. 

You stopped suddenly, feeling a familiar feeling in your stomach at the sound of his voice. Flashes of your dream pieced together behind your eyes; you forced them away and took a breath as you took a couple steps backwards and looked into his room. He was standing in front of the window, with an almost apologetic look on his face. You noticed his eyes had brightened slightly as the shadows that clung to them previously were now faded somewhat. 

"Hi," you greeted him, unsure of what else to say. You wondered if your obvious awkwardness was apparent to him. 

"Do you have time to see me today?" he asked, keeping his eyes on you the entire time. 

"I will later, can I come back?" 

He crossed the room towards you, taking three long steps and then stopping again. 

"Can I see you in your office instead? I just kind of need out of here for a minute." 

"Sure, of course. Come see me in an hour okay? I'm at the end of the hall," you said, pointing in the direction. "Right side." 

He nodded and gave you a weak smile before he turned back to the window. You watched him for a minute and then awkwardly stepped back into the hall, hoping the next hour would fly by. 

\--- 

It had been a little over an hour and you were now back in your office, sitting behind the enormous mahogany desk, checking the time every few minutes. You sifted through some papers before putting them in your drawer and turned your attention to your laptop, pretending you were working when in reality, you were impatiently waiting for Jacob. 

Fifteen minutes had passed and you had now given up on him making an appearance. You reached to your drawer again, deciding you needed to do some actual work when you heard a knock on the doorframe.

When he saw you lift your head in his direction, Jacob entered the room and closed the door behind him, taking a seat in the chair across from you without an explanation on his tardiness. 

"I was starting to think you were standing me up," you told him, closing your drawer again. 

"I wasn't sure if I should," he said as he chewed at his lip for a minute. "I want to know about you." 

Your eyebrows raised slightly at his words, unsure what he wanted to know exactly. This whole relationship was very unorthodox to say the least; most times a patient would either shut down completely or talk openly and frequently about their trauma. Jacob on the other hand was more interested in you and you didn't know him well enough yet to know why. 

"What do you want to know?" you asked him, deciding to go along to see where this led. 

"I want to know what drove you to this point in your life, what molded you. You have a quiet strength about you and that doesn't just happen on its own," he explained. 

You watched as he leaned back in his chair and crossed his arms. It wasn't him trying to be standoffish but rather an action of relaxation. You looked him over to notice his face was much smoother today, the lines that had dug at his forehead were now gone. 

"I.. I'm not sure. I guess I've just had to take care of myself for so long now that maybe I was forced to be strong. I'm not sure if I would have survived otherwise." 

"What happened?" he asked. 

You shook your head at him, you were definitely not ready to disclose something so personal to someone you had known for a little less than two weeks. 

"It was just a tough childhood for me, one I didn't think I'd escape from," you told him, offering a tidbit in hopes that would satisfy his curiosity. 

You knew immediately that he got the hint, he was exceptionally perceptive you noted. He leaned forward with his forearms on his knees and looked off for a minute before he met your gaze again. 

"When I was growing up, my brothers and I - I have two, younger - had two sorry excuses for parents. They enjoyed pain in a way I haven't seen before but they also enjoyed the weak. The older I got, the less I saw of it but my brothers... they were so innocent. Our parents' appetite was never satisfied. John..." he stopped for a minute to collect his thoughts. "I tried, you know... to shield them, to take what they couldn't but it was never enough. I could never fully protect them and that's my failure that I have to live with. Eventually, word got out and we were taken away but it wasn't better. It was never better. I knew I couldn't let it continue." 

You watched him, motionless, taking in every word in delight. This was a huge step for him, you could appreciate how difficult it must be. He was doing something you couldn't do yourself. 

"What did you do?" you asked him quietly when he stopped his story. 

Jacob lifted his chin higher, "I burnt the house down around them." 

You nodded, unsure what to say. He watched you for your response but you couldn't force the words from your lips. 

"You must think I'm insane.. evil maybe." 

"No," you told him truthfully, thinking of what you would do in that situation and knowing your response was probably an unhealthy one. "I would have done the same." 

His eyes widened slightly but then he smiled up at you, this time it fully touched his eyes. 

"This is why I like you, doc. You're all kinds of messed up, just like me." 

"I guess I am..." you trailed off. "Can... can I tell you something without you judging me?" 

"Yeah, of course." 

"Since you've been here, I can't think of anything but you... you're a puzzle to me that I can't quite figure out and it's driving me crazy, literally. All I want to do is dive inside that brain of yours, to know everything you've been through." 

"I haven't been cooperative... what do you want to know?" he asked, straightening up in the chair again. 

"Why did you start taking your sleeping pills?" you asked, deciding to make the first question an easy one. 

"I didn't want you to get in trouble because of me. You've been patient, it's the least I could do." 

You pushed forward in your chair slightly, leaning into the space between you. "Are you sleeping better?" 

"Yeah, a bit. Are you from Rome?" he asked. Apparently it was your turn again to answer a question. 

"No, I'm from Maine originally but I had to move for work so it looks like this is my new home." 

He nodded, waiting for you to ask him something else. This unspoken game you were playing of question and answer was strange to say the least but it seemed to be working. 

"Are you from here?" you asked. He nodded. "Are your brothers still here?" 

"No. They're in Montana, they don't know I'm here yet but I'm sure they'll receive word soon." 

"Will you go to Montana with them?"

"Only if they need me to."

You smiled at him, knowing his family was so important to him but also knowing his somewhat obsessive need to protect them was one fueled by guilt. It seemed to you that he grew up learning to fight and he still was to this day, doing what he could and in his own way. 

"Do you want to talk about your time with the army?" you asked, hoping that he felt more comfortable at this point. 

"No." 

"Okay, I'm sorry to pressure you. Anything else you want to talk about?" you asked him hopefully. 

"Not now Doc, thanks. You're not what I expected."

"No? What were you thinking?" you asked. 

He scrunched up his face a bit as he thought that over, "I guess I expected a stuffy monotone doctor who ran with a script, not a good looking woman who loves to curse." 

You felt that familiar flutter again... he was sweet in his own way and exceptionally blunt, which you appreciated. Your thoughts floated back to your dream again and the expression on his face when he first slid his cock between your thighs. You turned your thoughts to something else quickly, trying to suppress the blush that laid just under the surface of your cheeks, threatening to present itself at any moment. 

"Well I'm glad you're okay with my dirty mouth cause that's one thing I won't give up," you said with a grin. 

"I'm sure your husband is thrilled too," he said. You noticed that his eyes had left yours and had fallen to your lips when you mentioned your dirty mouth. You involuntarily bit your bottom lip, hearing him inhale sharply. 

"No husband... I'm going to be one of those old maids with all the cats. Which reminds me, I should probably own at least one," you joked. 

Jacob raised his eyebrows at your response but didn't say anything. 

"Can I come see you tomorrow?" you asked him, feeling embarrassed of your lame joke. 

"I'd prefer to come here if that's okay," he replied as he stood to take his leave. He was cutting things short. 

"Sure," you told him as you stood and walked him to the door. When you both got to the door, he turned to you with that intense eye contact of his. 

"Night Doc," he said and left you in your spot, leaning against the doorframe for support. Your knees suddenly felt weak.


	5. Chapter 5

"Busy?" Jacob asked from your doorframe. 

You had a giant pile of notes and papers spread across your desk and were just in the middle of summarizing a report on another patient when he came in. 

"Just give me a sec to clean up," you said but he didn't leave his spot at the door. "Come on in." 

You pushed everything into a pile and tucked it away in one of the deep drawers of your desk before glancing around to make sure you didn't miss anything. When you were satisfied that anything confidential was out of sight, you smiled up at Jacob who had now taken his usual spot across from you. 

"You're overworked," he said simply. 

"Nah, I'm okay." 

"It's after 7:00," he said as if that were enough of an explanation to prove his argument. 

It was true though. You were supposed to work from 8:00 until 4:30 daily with weekends off but you stayed late most days, trying to get caught up. Of all the staff on the floor, you had the most patients but that was because you had a problem admitting you were anything but perfect. To admit you needed help, was to admit your weakness and you refused to do that. 

"Not like I have anything exciting to go home to," you said with a shrug. "What did you get up to today?" 

"You're looking at it." 

You glanced up at him from your computer that you were locking, wondering what was going on. He didn't seem overly talkative but here he was anyway. 

"Have you been around the hospital yet?" you asked. When he shook his head, you continued, "There's a room down one floor from here with a TV and a small library if you're a big reader? There's a nice sized gym too." 

"I wouldn't mind going to the gym," he agreed. 

"Exercise is really important, especially for PTSD." 

He leaned forward a bit and bore his gaze to your eyes as he spoke, "Is that the official diagnosis?" 

You realized this was the first time you had actually mentioned it to him. He had been discharged from the army for mental health issues but they were in no position to diagnose him so this would have been the first time he had heard it. You wondered if it came as a surprise to him. 

"Not officially, no. We haven't spoken enough for me to diagnose you but I'm fairly certain. Does it bother you to hear that?" you asked, leaning across the desk a bit. 

"All I know is that my life was just taken from me. My purpose in life is obsolete and if being here is the only way I can get it back, then so be it." 

"You would want to go back to active duty?" you asked, surprised that he had said that. 

"Yes." 

"Well if that's the case, I'm more than happy to help as much as I can but we need to do more work than we have been. There's cognitive therapy or exposure therapy we could try as well as various medications, but I can't recommend anything right now. Would you be okay meeting once a day consistently?" 

"Whatever you need from me," he agreed. "It helps that I know a little about you now." 

You wondered if he was hinting at continuing your game of twenty questions and if he was, you didn't see the harm in that. It was often difficult for people in his condition to feel any attachment to people, even the ones they had known their entire lives. So if you offering some personal details would help to form that bond, that's what you would do. 

"You can ask me whatever you want, really. I'm an open book," you told him. 

"Not tonight. You need to get home. I'll see you tomorrow, Doc," he said as he stood and took his leave. You wished him good night on his way out but he didn't look back. 

\---

"Can you tell me about your brothers?" you asked Jacob when he came to see you the next day. This time he chose to see you at his normal previous appointment time. 

"John and Joseph - both a lot younger. Joseph has always had this quiet calm about him, you know that type? He's got a temper, sure, but you'd have to know him to recognize it," he said and paused for a bit. 

"Does he have a family?" you asked, deciding to find out more about his family since they were such a driving force in his life. 

"No. His girl got killed in an accident. He hasn't been the same." 

"That's awful, I'm so sorry. Were you away when it happened?" you asked. Jacob nodded but didn't offer anything else. 

"He, uh... he has a good intuition, always been able to read people and to connect with them in a way I've never seen before. He's definitely a born leader." 

"Sounds like you both are though," you offered. He shrugged slightly. "And John?" 

"Ah, he's a different breed for sure. Charmismatic and flashy. He's a lawyer." 

You tried to picture a younger version of Jacob as a high end lawyer in a tailored suit but you just couldn't see it. You wanted to ask him if John had a family but you were worried you might get a similar response to Joseph's situation. 

"Have you ever been married? Long term relationship or anything like that?" you asked, not sure what else to ask about his brothers. 

"I left juvenile detention and went right to the military so there was never time for that," he answered as he glanced around the room. He seemed fidgety today. He turned to you finally and asked you the same question. 

"No." 

"Why not?" he asked. 

You thought about changing the subject or reminding him this was about him, not you but he always seemed to ease up a bit when you talked about yourself so you pushed through the uncomfortable feeling you had and chose to answer him. 

"I don't know... I guess I'm kind of difficult to be with, maybe. When I was growing up, my mother had to have full control of every aspect of my life... everything had to be perfect, including me. I think because I was so submissive to her that when I became a teenager, I decided to take some of that control back and sometimes that leaks into my relationships. Men don't seem too attracted to strong women, or at least the ones I've wasted my time on." 

"There's nothing sexier than a woman who can stand her ground," he said quietly as he continued to watch you. 

You glanced down at the desk, running a finger over the notches and lines of the wood, unable to look back at him. You waited a minute for him to relax back in his chair but you could feel his gaze and knew he was waiting for your response. 

"You're the only man I've heard say that but that's not really surprising," you told him. You watched as he raised his eyebrows slightly at your comment. "I'm really sorry that we had to meet this way." 

"Same," Jacob agreed as he glanced over his shoulder at the closed door and then back to you. "You uh, said about my condition. What symptoms should I be having?" 

"Well, it's different for everyone. Do you feel different than you did before you enlisted?" 

He nodded and shifted his eyes from you to the desk, chewing at the inside of his cheek before he answered you, "The dreams are the worst. I feel like I'm right there, reliving the whole god damned thing again. Sometimes during the day, they come too while I'm awake." 

"Flashbacks are the most common thing for sure and as much as I'd like to say you need to push them out of your mind and try to focus on reality, that's not realistic. We can work on ways to cope with it though but it won't be a quick process," you explained. His face was completely unreadable but he nodded slightly. Finally, you had a starting point. "How do you feel about your family? Do you miss them?" 

"I know I should."

"Yeah..." you trailed off and watched his face to see if his features would change at the mention of his brothers but they didn't. "It's normal to not feel a connection to people or things you used to love. It'll be hard for you to build connections too for awhile." 

"Let me ask you something... In war, there's always a winner, right? Whether it's in small victories or the whole thing. The people on the losing side... they're weak. They get picked off and their lives are wasted, just like that," he said as he snapped his fingers. "Why do you think that is?" 

You thought about his question and how it had materialized out of nowhere and wondered if it really had deeper meaning for him. Perhaps, he was talking about himself and what he felt was a personal failure at being discharged. You mulled the question over slowly, trying to find the right words so that you wouldn't offend him or make this self doubt worse. 

"I don't think people are inherently strong or weak, but rather that we all have our moments of each during our lives. The people who you were referring to were perhaps weak in that moment but who is to say they were their entire lives?" 

"Nature always has a way of evening out the population," he added. 

"True. But even the weak have a purpose in life." 

He nodded slowly, "Yes, you're right Doc. The weak have their purpose."

You watched him think that over for a minute. You weren't completely sure he understood what you were trying to say but he seemed happy with your answer. After a minute, he excused himself and told you he would see you again tomorrow. You waved as he left and let out a long puff of air. That hadn't gone as planned.


	6. Chapter 6

__

Patient 0214: Jacob Seed

Daily dosage of 20 mg of Lexapro being administered. After three weeks, some mild side effects have surfaced - mild headaches, excessive sweating during exercise. It is my belief that the benefits have outweighed these effects and will continue to administer the drug to aid with patient's anxiety. 

Sleep habits are returning to normal - regular nightly sleep of 6.5 - 7 hours. 

Patient continues to experience a strong sense of guilt for prior trauma to family and his insistence on his role as the family's protector persists even with cognitive therapy. Patient has mentioned "giving life for theirs if necessary" on various occasions. 

After five weeks at the facility, I would strongly recommend further cognitive therapy along with continued usage of medication for a period of six months minimum due to his unhealthy, almost Darwinism like thoughts. Patient is not clear for release at this time unless he does so voluntarily. Recommendation for group therapy is not given at this time as patient prefers to be secluded if possible. 

\---

You saved your report and closed your laptop with a heavy sigh. It had been almost six weeks since Jacob arrived and though they were small, he had made some steps in the right direction. He was much more talkative and better able to communicate past instances in his life but he still kept to himself unless his family called for him. After his talks with his brother Joseph, which were normally quite lengthy, he always seemed happier. He spoke about having a purpose again, which made you question what his brother was telling him but you left well enough alone. 

During the day, his flashbacks had disappeared but he continued to have nightmares though not as frequently, which you were grateful for. 

You glanced at the clock, realizing it was almost 10:30 at night. You had taken a few days off to go home to see some of your friends so now it was time to play catch up. Most of the staff were gone now except for a skeleton crew who kept an eye on the patients. You grabbed your coat and purse and closed your office door quietly behind you, trying not to wake anyone as you walked down the corridor towards the exit. Most of the doors with closed and darkness spilled from the tiny window in their doors, all except for one. You peeked in as you passed to see Jacob reading through a book, laid out on his bed casually. 

"Shouldn't you be sleeping?" you asked when he noticed you in the door. He set the book down and sat up. 

"I could say the same for you. Late night again?" 

"Just trying to get caught up on some stuff. It doesn't pay to take time off sometimes." 

Jacob nodded and pushed to his feet, meeting you in the doorway and glancing over your face. He brought a hand to your cheek as he told you again how overworked you were. You knew you should pull back but you couldn't. The feeling of his callused fingers touching you so gently made you feel so comforted somehow. You leaned ever so lightly into his cupped hand and watched his eyes as he glanced between yours and your lips. 

"I missed having you around while you were gone," he said with his hand still in place. His thumb now brushed against your skin. 

"Jacob..." you breathed as you placed a hand on top of his. 

Suddenly he removed his hand and placed it over your other one, pulling you into his room as he closed the door shut and locked it. When he turned back to you, he didn't say a word before he backed you into a corner and pressed you against the wall, pushing his body on yours and bringing his lips down hungrily to cover your mouth. You leaned into him, pulling him closer to you and running a hand up his neck and then through his hair as you kissed him roughly. 

"It's been so long," he said as he moved his lips from yours and ran then across your jawline and to your ear. He nipped at your earlobe softly and then ran his tongue up the side of it. 

"Me too," you said before letting out a soft moan when his hand came up to cup your breast through your shirt. "We can't though..." 

You tried pushing him back but he continued to kiss down your neck, lingering on the nape and pulling his hand down to your thigh to raise your leg and wrap it around his body. In a second, he had you up against the wall, holding you in place as he kissed you more desperately, finally coming back to your lips. You felt something hard rub against you and knew if you didn't stop him now, there'd be no going back. 

"Jacob, stop..." you said when he went to move his lips again. 

He stopped suddenly and moved back, letting you drop back to your feet. A look of rejection washed over his features and you regretted your decision instantly. Every inch of you longed for him and your body was betraying you right now. 

"You know I can't, as much as I want to," you explained.

"Cameras?" he asked and glanced around the room. 

"No, but someone could walk by... if anyone found out, I'd be fired without a second to pack my shit." 

He nodded and stepped back again, holding his hands up in front of him. "Sorry, Doc." 

You both stared at each other for a moment, both slightly out of breath. The movement of his chest forced your eyes down and you gazed over his body, appreciating the lines beneath his shirt and as they dropped further, your breath caught in your throat. How many nights had you thought about this? How many times had you found your own release while thinking of his hands on your body and now that it was happening, you had refused him. 

You weighed the possibility of anyone finding out in your mind. Jana had taken the night off so there were no doctors here, only on call. The rest of the staff would make their rounds occasionally but you knew they slacked off for the most part. If they saw a closed door, they would never open it. They were only here in case of a patient in distress or an emergency. 

"I'll be in my office. Wait ten minutes before you come, okay?" you told him, watching a smile spread across his face. "There are cameras in the halls." 

He nodded as you straightened up your clothes and composed yourself the best you could, grabbing your purse and heading to your office again. If anyone were to question it, you would tell them Jacob was unable to sleep and wanted to talk. No one would question why you agreed to stay late for him. It's something you would do for anyone. 

After you unlocked your office door, you threw your belongings on the coat hook behind the door and leaned against the desk, wondering what the hell you had just gotten yourself into.


	7. Chapter 7

"Doc, can we talk?" Jacob called loudly through the door as he knocked away. You laughed but appreciated that he was trying to help you cover this up. 

"Come on in," you called back and watched as he opened the door and locked it behind him as he came in and quickly crossed the distance between you. 

Before you fully understood what was happening, he was on you again, putting his hands through your hair and pulling your face to his. He pushed his tongue roughly into your mouth without warming up to it. You tried to push back against him, to slow him down a bit but he was backing you up again before you could stop him. When you finally hit the desk, he pulled you up to sit on top of it and started to unbutton your blouse frantically. 

You mimicked his movements and pulled his t-shirt over his head, waiting for his hands to finish their task before you could remove it fully and toss it to the floor. When he was finally bare from the waist up, you tried pushing him back so you could drink him in but he closed the distance again and snapped your bra off quickly. 

"You're beautiful," he said as he bent down and took one breast in his right hand and the left between his lips. He sucked at your nipple hard as his hands kneaded your soft skin. You let out a soft moan and watched as he smiled against your skin. 

"Just a sec..." you told him and pushed out of his grasp, reaching down for his belt and then fumbling with his zipper. 

As you worked away at undressing him, he leaned into you again and kissed you desperately, hands everywhere. You wanted to tell him to give you a minute and he must have been able to sense your frustration because he soon stopped and undid his fly and pulled his pants and boxers down quickly. You gasped when you saw his cock spring out from the elastic waistband, marveling at his readiness. 

"Off," he said between kissing you again and pulling at your dress pants. 

You reached down and gave him a hand unbuttoning them and let him take them off of you when they were lose enough to pull down. In a second, he was on his knees, pulling your legs up and over his shoulders as he pressed his face between your legs and kissed you briskly. When you let out a whimper, he replaced his lips with his tongue and lingered over you softly, swirling his tongue around your clit. His movements were slow and deliberate, gradually picking up speed and pressing against you harder. As he took his time pleasuring you, his fingers dug into your hips and then your ass, kneading at your now goosebumped flesh. 

You leaned back a bit and spread your legs wider for him, giving him better access to you; he reciprocated by sliding a finger into you and rubbing it softly against your walls. When he was satisfied you were wet enough, he slid another in to join the first and let them thrust into your slowly. His tongue had picked up speed and the contrast of the two was intense. You felt the buildup start within your body, first tensing the muscles in your legs and then working to your core and moving to where Jacob was so expertly pleasing you. When he curled his fingers, you came completely undone, cumming against his hand. He let out a low moan as he felt your appreciation for his patient hands and pulled back, stepping to his feet and pushing you back further onto the desk. 

Stationary and picture frames came tumbling off the edge as he scooted you back and brought your legs to wrap around his waist. One hand kneaded at your hip and the other grabbed his cock firmly and used it to line his cock up before plunging into you. You both let out a moan at his first thrust, adjusting to one another before you pushed your hips up, encouraging him to push in deeper. 

"Fuck, that's good," he said against your ear. 

You smiled back at him and tried your best to time his movements, pulling him closer to you each time his hips bounced against yours. When your lips finally touched again, you held him in place, not wanting to let him go. He complied until you felt his movements speed up and you heard his breath start to get heavy. He tried pulling back but you wrapped your legs around him tighter and refused to pull your mouth off of his. When you parted your lips to let your tongue escape, he groaned into them and bucked his hips sharply into you. Slowly, he pulled out and took a deep breath. 

You sat into he desk and he stood a foot away, both of you watching the other's face. You were the first to smile but a grin quickly spread across Jacob's face as well. You reached out with both hands and placed your palms to his cheeks before running your fingers through his beard. 

"This can't happen again," you said as you leaned over and kissed him quickly. 

"Whatever you say," Jacob said as his grin grew wider. 

You sighed internally, knowing he was smart enough to know that would never happen.


End file.
